Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
this boner is exhausting
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
