Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
