i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
