Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
