she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Let's get the cat blown out
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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