Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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