if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
