Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
