My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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