I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
