i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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