the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
