You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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