Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
