im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
