I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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