i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
