If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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