I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
