i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
