He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i now understand why vodka
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
