she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
