is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
