white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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