I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
