found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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