You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
