Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
