I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
