Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
