My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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