i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize