Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
