Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
