I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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