we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
