why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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