I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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