ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
