i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
