OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
