I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We are two peas in an std pod
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
