Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
