the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
this will be a night to untag.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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