There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i now understand why vodka
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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