I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
