I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
