The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
