My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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