Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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