I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
