I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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