and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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