you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
