we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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